New Worlds.

You give rise to the competition in me You call to the stand, my internal judge and jury Your honesty is the gun That triggers the truth in me Nowhere to run Nowhere to hide I can't play charades here Because you demand the answers come from inside You're a Sherlock Holmes in disguise I see you scanning me for clues With your inquisitive eyes Looking for cues Looking beyond my eyes Nowhere to run to Nowhere to hide I'm exposed, with you there Holding up the mirror To all my insecurities So that I may look deeper Drop the acts and the drama And find a Reflection that is much more true of me In ancient times This is how I imagined a king would be But now here you are Dressed in modern day royalty Summoning forth, the queen in me The one that bows to peace The one that bows to unity In an act of grace That can only be learned From love given And expecting nothing in return So here I am So here I burn You found me out You're in my orbit now Lighting up my little universe And kicking out Any shadows I had, previously cast by doubt Notions of who I was Are now just memories An old galaxy of black holes For this is a new world Made by the colliding of two souls Don't you know We are just loving space In human shells that time will slowly erase But what a gift to experience this time, this place With the vastness of you Nowhere to run to No longer want to hide This is not a game Nor a race And I see all this now As my eyes come to rest upon your enchanting face.

Meditations On Moments.

I am no longer looking for destinations

Just meditations

On moments shared

I wish to let you know how much I care

How much I valYOU

Your time

This space

All these faces

We're only here for a little while

For the blink of an earth's eye

So listen to the spirit that animates your smile

This presence knows best

It doesn't ask how

It only speaks of the now

Of arriving

Of planting feet

And growing skyward

To reach a conscious view

From up here I can see

A higher you

A higher me

A space where we don't question

We just 'be'...

We just know

To scribe quiet letters

And send postcards of silence to the noise below

Some fall on deaf ears

But those who listen

Will receive wise mail

Signed with insight, sealed with love

And delivered during mediations

On moments shared

No longer looking for destinations

Just asking these fundamental questions:

Have I truly loved?

Have I truly dared?

Chemical Warfare.

Where am I without you?
I am stripped bare
Reduced to my need for your absent care
And I want to be brave
And I want to be strong
And I want to be the woman you've thought
Was standing here all along

But she doesn't always have the answers
And she hasn't always taken her chances
Especially when surrendering to love
And its chemical warfare
And the way it strips you bare...

And yet here I am, I'm going in
Reduced to my need for your care
And my needs to be nurturing...
And I want to say I don't
But I do!

I care
I ache
I long to love
And be loved by you

And I want to remain independent
But what does that mean?
I've been this fiercely so, for so long
I'm afraid it's turned my heart to stone:
A sculpture, a relic
A tombstone in memory of
Lovers lost in the past
Where once it was broken
I must have placed my heart in a cast
Thinking it would heal alone
But this wound only wept
For having been kept
In the dark for so long

And so, I'm not as strong
As I look, you see
Sometimes I cry
I frown
I crack and I bleed
Reduced to my basic need
To be cared for by you
But don't you know
I would return the love tenfold to you

It's simple and it's sweet
And yet, it's so hard to admit defeat
So hard to put my weapons down
And to relinquish the "I'm unbreakable" crown
For if I take it off
Where will I be?
I'd be stripped bare
But armed with a new sense of bravery
By stepping into this chemical warfare
Honest in all my vulnerability
And surrendering this tiresome, lonely weaponry
...I lay it down
And as I do
There you are standing next to me.

Higher Vibrations.

Enjoy the transition
Enjoy this transmission
To a higher state of being
We ask you to buckle in
Before elevating
Do you believe you were born to fly?
'Cos we do
And we've been watching you
Every time you fall
We observe your willingness to rise again
Before sending out another feather
For your wings
We never stop listening
And neither should you
For you are us
And we are you:
The one, the whole, the universe.

The Wise Turtle.

No prizes are ever won
For jumping before the starter's anxious gun
Slow, steady wins this race.

Now Is Piercing.

There was no knight waiting
I will see no shining armour ahead
I hold the sword now.

The Agency.

What if I don't fit
This mould
This hold you have over me?
I do my best rise to above it
I do my best
But you only see what's wrong
You shake the bird
To get the song
Then you put her back in this cage
But aha!
She is not there
Only emptiness remains
For you could never contain
The vastness of what she has to offer
So don't try and mulch her into your generic fodder
She will not decay
She will not wither or smoulder
Her spark is yet to become a flame
And you have just provided fuel for her fire
Kindling to feed her desire
For change
For growth
To persist with the honest work of the soul
That was put here to fit no mould
But her own...

Windows

There is a window
It opens to a grand view
Do I believe in what I see?
Or is the window opening, me?

Ignoring The Signs.

Repetitious, superficial beast
You've prepared a feast for my days
I have been here before
But my stomach is still empty.

Sentenced.

You are with me
We speak together of love
I am still alone in this sentence.

A Hidden Place.

You show me I am hiding
I speak to you of being lost
I find myself, hidden.

Disappearing Acts.

Now you see me
Now you don't
I disappeared inside
A puff of aromatic smoke

My limbs now fictional
Forming the apple flavoured haze
Around a new space
This mysterious eve,
Where only my heart remained
Open
And exposed for the taking
All of this heartbreaking
Will be the making
Of me
Broken down
In a sea
Of tiny pieces
Fluid and free
More connected than ever
For having known so much
Disconnect...

Now you see me
Now you don't
I disappeared inside
To find that hope still floats.

Remembering Japan.

I don't belong here
I remember sushi
And a quiet corner
Swaying Koi fish lanterns
A cherry blossom breeze
How is it
With every Spring, these flowers appease
And ignite
A knowing
An understanding
Of a distant land
Of graceful warrior hands
Outstretched
And motioning me
With their Tai Chi
Until I dissolve inside the memory
Of tatami mats 
And freshly folded origami
I must have died among a sea of paper cranes
Leaving my spirit to wander other planes
Before awaking in a new body
To another reality
Another country
Another time and place
Another face
And yet every trace of kanji
Still decorates and calms me
In ways I can't explain
As if tattooed under my skin
Japan you rise within
And occasionally fall with a nostalgic tear
Every time I feel
Your distance
Every time I feel
I don't belong here.

Remembering Russia.

Remembering Russia
Was it a dream?
Because somehow, somewhere
I feel we were torn at the seams
And the fabric of two lives
Then stretched out to others
Fraying and searching
For a way back to each other
Guided only by the threads of memory
Stitching feelings of nostalgia
That seem to show up
And sew up
Every Winter...
Strange how she always found the darkness
The solitude
So comforting
Why Winter?
Why now, do I see all of Siberia
In your blue-grey eyes
It stretches on forever
A tapestry of our time together
In another realm
Where we had nothing
So we had everything
And so I remember
As you speak to me, like some kind of tzar
Of some bizarre
Dream empire in the sky
And whether we'd really want that
Whether we need all that...
Or if you and I
Are enough
To sew a new story
To patch a new chapter together
The one where we found each other
Remembering Russia.

Liar Liar.

Your make-believe hands
Are cold around my neck 
And when my voice reaches to sing, or to speak
This is when you tighten your make-believe grip
Reducing me to a pip
….squeak
You are the cat
And I have been the mouse
You try and trap me
To gain control over this house 
I want her to stand tall
You want her to play small
But she is more than that
She is so much more than what you see
She is a home of peace
Trying to raise a family of possibilities
The likes of which, you could never seize
Though you try
And try again
Raising your faceless dread
As you sit at my table
Shaking your doubtful head
While shortening the leg
To rock me unstable
Until my chest caves in 
And shoulders fall
While you laugh and raise your glass tall
"A toast to all!"
A toast to my demise
But NO more…
You see my dear guest,
Over time I have gotten to know you
Even welcomed you here to rest
For I now understand why you have come to my temple
And why I have let you exist…
You do not wish
To strangle me
But rather, to grow me
Though your ways indeed, I find unsavoury
They have also come to show me
The illusion of your chains
So that I may understand the meaning of what it is to be free
And become more of what there is to be…
For without questioning
There is no deeper discovery
And so here you question me 
Albeit, uncomfortably
But honestly
What do I see?
What do I believe?
Well, my make-believe guest
Now I see you 
Now I don’t
For once I believed you
But now I won’t
Because the more I cease to resist you
The more you cease to exist to
Be.
Here.
Now I see, 
How you’ve been misunderstood
How you were merely
Showing me the wood 
For the trees
And all these clouds
That so malleably 
Conceal the warmth of a constant and shining sun
Depending on the state of my mind's perception
...Now
Now I understand this illusion
That hides the sweet truth
Within your acronym:
Face
and
Embrace
to
Alleviate 
and 
Rise
Rise, transcend and aspire
To the conscious mind and heart that soars higher
From the beautiful truth in the knowledge
That fear is a fucking liar.

This Is Softening.

This is softening:

This outer space
This human case around my chest
Has done its best
But need now,
Relax
Too long now,
Protecting the jewel inside
Tightening the lid
Keeping it hid

For fear of being found...

And yet,
In the darkest of times
It's sparkle,
I have always seen
And of it's beauty
I have dreamed, on occasion
Into existence...

Mined from a hidden place
One I can disappear to
Without a trace
And return, in peace
Adorned with love
From a higher place

Having rediscovered
A truth that can only be heard
In silence
In softening
This outer space
This human case
That tries so hard...

When it should simply undress
Shed these layers
Of thoughts that harden our defense
And against who?

Ourselves?

Don't hold back
Call off your troops
Lay your weapons of self destruction down
Drop your defensive suit

The pirates of your past
Can sail the waves of your mind
But they can never seize the treasure of now
Show them how!
Wave them a parting kiss
And arrive here
Present, and ready to start
For 'X' marks the spot
Wherever you are standing
Here lies your treasure, your truth
The world inside your heart.

Starting Over.

Today I fell
Tripped and fell
Eyes filled like wells
Two pools of sadness
Spilling over
Wishing

Well...

Wishing for a sense of home.

Then I heard it.
In the distance
Letting go of resistance
This persistant
Beat.

Hand over heart
Eyes shut
This rhythm in my chest
This,
Is purpose...

And these tears;
Acceptance of what is.

Meta Listening.

Life is always speaking through you
Speaking to you,
Breathing you in...

The question is:
Are you listening?
Or just exhaling?

Often I've heard her speak to me
Softly,
Talking in tree
Whispering in blossoms
Singing in sunshine...

Languages only the soul can understand
And respond to.

Yes. I've heard her speak.
But, always I'd answer with a question,
A doubt,
A "what if?" and a "what about?"
And then she'd be gone.
You see, if I was really listening
There would be no question.

For the language of the soul,
Is constant.
Effortless effort,
Bliss.
The sentences she speaks,
are not punctuated with doubts or quoted in fear. No.
The language of the soul
Knows only, the tongue of trust.

So breathe in.

Now, are you listening?
If you are, then there is no question.
For you,
are your greatest answer.

Duality.

Stripped of any former expectations I had for myself
Stripped of any monetary gain
And wearing the pain
Of a thousand decisions
That seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a war that's been waging on inside me
Waging on for years...
Between a realist and an imagineer
They bring me to tears
As the realist continues to confirm my fears
While the imagineer calls them all liars...

But I can't take sides.

For the realist helps me survive
While the imagineer gives me hope
Keeps me afloat
In times where I can't find the boat
Can't find the wind in my sails...

So, I can't take sides
I can only hope to bring both
Together...

And perhaps then
My purpose will be revealed.

Aloneliness.

She spoke of her 'aloneliness'
And the word seemed to peer out from the page at me
Peer out, and with the eyes of an archer
Took aim, and shot an arrow straight through me.

And as I looked down at my wound
I found one piercing and beautiful irony:
I am you, and you are me
So, alone we cannot be!
We are one
Trying to understanding itself
Through infinite views
Infinite me's and you's...
So by knowing this
We must trust
Trust that this 'aloneliness' is but an illusion
Trust that what we are looking for
Is also looking for us
Trust.
For we are all in this alone,
Together.